How to deal with your inner critic
That darn inner critic! And the truth is, we all have it. Part of it was created by messages that we were told or absorbed from other people in our childhood, part of it is through cultural expectations and ideas from whatever society we grew up in. And part of it is our brain’s survival mechanism to hold us back, and keep us small, and keep us hidden so that we stay alive!
But in most cases, it is not helpful. It is the thing that really gets in our way. That’s wreaking a whole bunch of havoc and making us feel like crap about ourselves, and then in turn often making us feel like crap about our lives.
And so what do we do about this? How do we stop this inner critic in its tracks? And today I’m going to give you several phrases that you can use to talk back to it when it shows up and tries to take you down and create all kinds of no good up in here if you’re new to me and this is the first time that we’re connecting, I am so glad you’re here!
Now this darn inner critic that likes to show up and bring us down, and hold us back and often leaves us feeling like crap by telling us things like, “You are the worst ever.” “You don’t have any potential to make a change!”. You’re a loser!” “You’re a failure!” “You’re not successful enough!” “You’re not pretty enough!” “You’re not strong enough!” “You’re not skinny enough!”
You can think of the trauma a person could go through, listening to these kinds of statements, every day for years!
What’s one way that your inner critic likes to show up and try to take you down, and now what do we do about it? How do we put this inner critic in its place? How do we show this inner critic that we are the ones that are driving our bus and that it is not the one in charge, we are in charge? And we need to do that by standing up to it, by speaking up to it, by challenging it!
And so I’m gonna give you a list of phrases that you can use, that are gonna help you challenge it and in different situations! Because it likes to show up in all kinds of places, all kinds of situations, often when we’re already feeling kind of crappy. It likes to come in and kick us when we’re down!
So I’m gonna tell you different phrases for different situations. Some of them are really going to connect with you, some of them are really gonna make sense for you! Take the ones that do and leave the rest. You might also want to write these ones down so that you can literally pull it out of your back pocket when that inner critic shows up, and have the exact thing that you can say to it to stop it in its tracks!
Now let’s start with these different situations, and for those situations where your inner critic likes to tell you that you’re not worthy of love, that you’re not good enough to be loved. What you can say back to it is:
“I don’t have to be perfect in order to be worthy of love and belonging. Because nobody is perfect and everybody is worthy of love and belonging! So why do you think, you inner critic, why do you think that I am supposed to be an exception to that?
The next one when your inner critic starts to tell you that you haven’t achieved enough. That you’re not doing enough, that you’re not successful enough! What you say back to it is:
I am doing my best right now and I am going to let that be good enough!
When your inner critic shows up after you fail, because it will because it loves to cling on to failure. It loves to kick you when you’re down and make you feel like crap about your failure. And likes to tell you that when you’ve had a failure, it means that you’re not good enough, that you don’t have what it takes whatever it is, and what you say back to it is:
If I fail, it means that I was brave enough to show up and take a risk, and make myself vulnerable! That’s what it means! It does not mean that I was a failure and still am. It means that I am stinking brave!
And now when it shows up and starts to tell you that; before you can go for something before you can start something, you have to have it all figured out, and you need to feel fully confident and secure before you do anything! What you’re going to say to it is:
I am allowed to do it scared. I am allowed to start with uncertainty. I am allowed to go for it before I have it all figured out, and I’m gonna let myself learn and grow and become more confident in the process instead of insisting that, “Be a prerequisite first!”
When it shows up and starts to tell you that you’re weak, or broken, or flawed for not being happy, and positive, and grateful! And having it all together all the time, you are gonna stand up to it and you’re gonna say:
I am a fully integrated human being that feels all the feelings and I am supposed to feel all the feelings! That is what I’m feeling now. I am allowed to feel right or wrong, good or bad, healthy or unhealthy, serving or unserved, it is what I am feeling! And I am allowed to feel that at this moment!
The next way that you’re going to stand up to it is when it starts to tell you that you are unworthy, that you are just point blank, not good enough! What you’re going to say to it is:
The truth is, there is no way that I can either prove or disprove my worthiness! That worthiness is a birthright that I am worthy because I am here! Because I was born!
Then the next one when your brain starts to tell you things like, “Don’t do it! “Don’t put yourself out there!” “Don’t take a risk!” “Don’t do anything that’s uncertain!” “Don’t make yourself vulnerable!” HERE, what you can say back to your brain is:
Thank you for trying to keep me safe, but this situation is not actually dangerous. If it doesn’t go the way that I want to, it might be uncomfortable but I can deal with and get through being uncomfortable! I am NOT in actual danger. Thank you for trying to keep me safe but I’m good! I got this, I can do this and I can get through it if it doesn’t go the way that I want it to.
And then the last one! And this is probably my most favorite one. Because it really helps us to be able to see the inner critic, for what it is! Instead of getting all caught up in it, instead of buying into it, instead of believing it, instead of getting dragged along behind it, when that inner critic shows up, when those words start going through our head that is trying to keep us down, or hold us back, or keep us small, we can recognize it, and see it, and call it out and say to it:
This is just a thought. It doesn’t mean that it’s true, it doesn’t mean that it’s right, and doesn’t even mean that it actually holds any water, it is just a thought! It is a string of words that my brain has put together and I get to decide if it means something, and I get to decide what it means.
So learning to unattached from those thoughts stop not putting so much weight into them not giving the inner critic so much credit that it doesn’t actually deserve and learning how to unattached from our thoughts is a really really powerful process and to help you do that I wrote all this. You’ll also have to get used to overcoming pressure and feel confident about yourself, and this is not a very difficult thing to do.
The fastest way to stay connected with us, Follow us
